​Have you ever noticed how quick the mind can be at sabotaging your self-belief? Even if you are confident, successful, and willing to take risks, chances are you too hear the doubt from the judgement panel in the back of your mind, but perhaps you are more skilled at ignoring them.
I recently asked a group of women to write down what they think three groups of people in their lives would say about them; their best friends, their work colleagues, and their partner. The task was to help participants see their worth from the outside.
The response to this process was interesting; some women felt like they were gloating by listing their strengths, many found it difficult to switch off the part of their mind that assumes people think the worst of them. It is the latter that I would like to work on today.
The best in you.
When you find yourself thinking that someone doesn’t like you, or a quality you have – ask yourself:

• Do I know this for sure? (no)
• What evidence do I have? (none)
• What if they don’t think negatively of me? (there is just as much evidence for this as there is against it)
• Can I just assume that they enjoy working/socializing/being with me just the way I am? (yes)

For every critical thought you have, the opposite thought is just as likely. So, choose to believe the one that supports your growth the best.

​Know who you are.
You know what makes a good friend, colleague, and partner. You know your best in these areas. You also know that sometimes you don’t get it right, but then do your best to make it so.
This is what the world sees. Those who matter see this. Those who don’t see it, will move away and that is ok too. The greatest adventure is just getting to know who you are.
Let us all be imperfect.
When your mind criticizes you for “getting it wrong”; saying the wrong thing, not talking enough, not dressing the right way, not knowing all the answers … it’s ok. In fact, the more you practice imperfection, own it, and be transparent about it, the more you allow those around you to be human too.
For example; you may not have all the answers, but beating yourself up about it almost implies that you expect everyone around you to have all the answers all the time too. I doubt you do that.
Use the mirror.
If the mind goes into overdrive with criticism and doubt. Throw it back. Tell yourself the reverse.
Use the mirror and be your own best friend. You wouldn’t say any of it to someone close to you. Chances are, neither would the person you are thinking of.

You matter most.
You are exactly good enough as you are right now. Anything you add to this only embellishes what is already perfectly you. Choose the thoughts that feel kind. Tell yourself regularly that you do believe in yourself. It’s okay to subconsciously gloat – in fact I highly recommend it – turn your judgement panel into a cheer squad.
Support.
If you need support with managing these thoughts, a counsellor, mental health practitioner, hypnotherapist or meditation instructor may be able to help.
Kim High, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Family Hypnotherapy.
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